Mr Miyagi, the Military Channel, and how to get boys to sleep

There have been so many things to blog about over the past several weeks, it's almost caused a total mind block. It's like we live these multiple lives everyday where you're everything from king to a peasant depending what social circle you find yourself in. Literally, between the house, church, and work I find myself as the commander in chief, counselor, accountant, taxi driver, athlete, geek, drummer, handy man, coach, mentor, maid, garbage man, cook..... I could go on and on (and so could you, I'm in good company). That being said - I wouldn't want it any other way. It just feels good sometimes to actually put it down on paper.

 

I do want to report to the one or two people that have been following this blog that my oldest daughter is making me so proud! I love my time with her and she is making so much progress in making better decisions. Let's call her "Bob" for the purposes of this blog. Bob has regained her straight "A" status again according to her teachers! Most of all, she is doing a great job in how she reacts to 7th grade drama.

During the winter blizzard of 2011, those of us hit by massive amounts of snow had to find ways to stay sane while we were working through the deep freeze. We were fortunate that we never lost power, and most of all that COX never failed us either. During this time, my son was able to get me hooked on the Military Channel (tMC). We spent our time watching the "WWII in Color" series, shows about the greatest military leaders in history, and my favorite, "Decisions that shaped the world". Tonight during tMC's running of what vaulted the US into WWII (Pearl Harbor), my son provide his own insight as to the happenings of December, 1941. He acted out the conversation between President Roosevelt and the Imperial leader of Japan after Japan bombed Hawaii:

Roosevelt: "Word up Mr. Miyagi, I'm 'bout to drop a mushroom cloud on your crib. Call me back when your guts stop glowing and you figure out the crane won't save you this time"

Japanese Imperial Leader: fast busy tone only..... he lost his cell service :)

That answers what if my  kids were kings for a day...

Lastly, boys and bedtimes. If you have been a volunteer for anything that required you to supervise 15-20 boys, who after a day of being wild and crazy didn't want to go to sleep on time, you may want to hear this. This weekend I had a great time as a volunteer at Super Start here in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. At the end of a very eventful day on Friday, lights out was at midnight. At first, the boys wouldn't stop talking, and playing their games, keeping their very tired adult supervisor awake (ARRRRRRR!). Using my big daddy voice, I told the boys they had 5 minutes to get silent or they would be subject to wall squats until I decided they were tired enough to sleep. I never heard another sound... literally. That tells me either the boys thought I said "wall swats" or that somewhere down the line they had the same experience I had when I was 13 years old. I had a math teacher once use wall squats as discipline on me for talking to much. My legs never burned so bad (I went for 15 minutes) and it was a great alternative to swats. A shovel works too, but that is another story for another day....

Mr. Miyagi never had to face my 10 year old son. I like how he rolls....

Shot through the heart - The Facebook Killer

Isn't it amazing. Really? How many social land mines are out there that our kids have to traverse to keep from being ridiculed by their friends at school. It's not that we didn't have the same land mines, however the explosions weren't publically available through Facebook, group texting, Twitter, and blogging. Some posts are hysterical I have to admit, but most are just sad. Especially when you consider these are kids expressing themselves in front of hundreds of people.

Watching through my kids Facebook home pages, I've seen messages desperately asking for texting ("Text me - I'm bored") to kids aggressively cussing each other. Mostly girls.... they really are meaner than boys.

Tonight, I was looking up movies online and on another page, and noticed my oldest daughter had left herself logged in to Facebook. She was instant messaging with another friend and a new message had come in making the "tab" blink. It caught my eye, so I took a peak.

What I found went through me like a dagger...

As most of you living in Oklahoma know, we were hit by a HUGE snow storm this week. Today, my daughter wanted me to take her to a friend’s house. I said no because we have not been able to successfully get our cars out of the driveway now for 3 days (although I was able to later in the day). Her message to her friend was laced with boy crazy stuff... and then there it was....."I hate my parents" and "My dad is stupid".

I'd be lying if I said this didn't hurt. Over the past few months, the samples we have found on her phone have had similar themed messages regarding my wife and I. She has portrayed us to her friends to be over-the-top strict and wonders why her friends may think we're weird. But it hasn't bothered me until now. I actually thought of it as a moral compass telling us we're headed in the right direction.

I'm struggling with this new information and seeing my oldest say those things in black and white is really affecting me. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because we all want to be accepted by our kids. Maybe it's because I want her to think I'm cool. I would agree that I have high standards for my kids. However, I was raised by a fun loving woman, so by default... there's a lot of that there too. In the end, I know 13 year old kids don't have the capacity to think past their little narcissistic noses. But deep down... ouch!

I would love to hear if anyone out there has had similar experiences with your kids or struggling the same way. I did call her down and talk to her about what I found. The conversation didn't last long, because I didn't want her to see how wounded I feel. I don't want to muzzle my kids, but is it wrong to expect them to have your back?

Let me know what you think and thanks for reading this blog!

Livin' After Midnight - Middle School Drama edition

Technology, we love, we buy it, we give it to our loved ones. Xbox, play station, HDTV and 3DTV's, iTouch, iPhone, I can't believe I gave my 12 year old a phone...oops did I say that? In this day and age, my oldest daughter feels like an outcast without her phone. She claims there is a stoning later this week for a 13 year old that (gasp!) has been grounded from her smart device.

However, when I started digging deeper..into the phone.. it unlocked a series of new discoveries and a lot of Middle School drama. Now I have to warn you, then following content should not be seen by children and some animals. I was shocked when I learned that so-and-so (names changed to protect the innocent) thought my daughter was trying to steal her boyfriend or that Susie (not the real name) was calling her names because my daughter is.... GASP!....A PRUDE!!!! Shocking... I know...and at the same time - THANK YOU GOD!!!! Sorry, quick moment for the father.

It amazes me the amount of drama our kids go through while they are discovering who they are and who their true friends will be. In some cases, friends come and go, like seasonal clothing. Then, there are a few friends that are as reliable as the sunset. I am hoping my daughter surrounds herself with the latter. Although my wife and I can force some situations, the truth is we can't pick her friends for her. Did I really just say that?? WOW.... time to move on.

We all remember the 80's. Great bands, bad outfits, and galatically bad hair. But I have to say, I still love those old songs and they are all over my Droid. When I'm working out, it's not to Lady Gaga. My wife, has really been getting me into Christian Rock over the past few years and there are a few bands there I really like too. Her iPod is full of Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, and others.

A couple nights ago, my wife and I are working out at the gym, and I walked over to her treadmill. There is my workout Barbie - sweating, determined, focused, and really getting after it. I tried to say something to her, but she couldn't hear me and had to take the ear buds out of her ears so we could talk. Before I could say a word, she looked at me and said  " Breaking the Law is Awesome"!  And just like that, I fell in love with her all over again... I'm getting weepy now.

For those of you need a reference here - Breaking the Law is a song by an 80's heavy metal band called Judas Priest. It is one of my all time favorites and when my wife said those words... all the world was right and the stars were aligned.

It truly is the small things.

New year, new resolutions, new drama, and championship football

Happy New year 2011!!!

Since this is my initial post (ever), I thought it would a good idea to quickly say to the one person reading that I am far from winning the "Father of the Year" award. I have three children ages 12, 9 and 7 - and I make mistakes all the time. The truth is, I am hoping that this post will serve to help other dads in similar situations, be a method of accountability, and help me release my personal pain and frustration caused by not having the tools needed to be the father I want to be.

The truth is, I used to feel like a victim, blamed the men in my younger life for not providing the good example that I could learn from. It took a long time, and a very good woman, to bring me to the realization that we are not doomed to fail by our past experiences, however it is our current choices that dictate our future. Sounds simple... I know.

Like a lot of dad's, I am heavily involved in my kids lives, even when they don't want me to be. That has created a lot of great memories, and a lot of big failures on my part. It has taken me many years to learn that my behavior "on the field", could cripple the relationship I have with my children.  To be clear, the field I reference isn't sports alone - it's school, band, church, middle school drama.... you name it. Every interaction with our kids is game on.

I'm not typically a new year's resolution guy. However, this is a different time in my life. My resolutions this year are simply the following; Run a 15K, lose 50 lbs, and most importantly, get closer to my kids. I may fail the first two, but I won't fail the latter resolution. I have started the year off training, running and it's paid off. I am already down 11 pounds. I have also been "training" to get closer to my kids. Instead of watching only shows or movies I want to watch, I am choosing to watch things my entire family is interested in. I am also now taking a bigger role in the "taxi" service to get to know my kids friends even better (and take the load off my wife).

This time of the year is also special for grown men because we are in the middle of championship football. we just witnessed a great college ending to the 2010 season and now the NFL is center stage. Although there are only two NFL football fans in my house, it's amazing to see what football is doing for me. The relationship with my oldest daughter has been strained somewhat, mainly due to the age she is and a pre-teen's need to push the outer limits of her independence. My daughter, who has become too cool to hang with her ol' man, is looking forward to hanging with good 'ol dad to watch the Atlanta Falcons play later tonight (yes, I am a displaced Georgian). Not because she is jacked up about football, but because she wants to spend time with me, doing something I want to do. I can only think the training camp is paying off.

I used to think resolutions were really just stupid. 2011 is teaching me they can really be new beginnings.

It's really small changes that make the largest impacts....

Happy New Year!!